È passato un po’ di tempo since the last post.  The swirl of life has kept me more active, with less time to sit, reflect, and write.  Fortunately, I have still found time to cook, sit, and enjoy meals with my family.  In other words, I’ve found time to indulge in a meal the Italian way, prioritizing food not only for the daily pleasure it provides the palate, but for its ability to connect people around the table.

And in such divisive and turbulent times, how crucial it is to indulge in connecting with others.  What better and easier way to connect with others than at the table?  Not only a tavola non si invecchia mai (an old Italian adage that means one never ages at the table), but a meal at table provides a place to slow down, to be still, to sit and engage with those around us…must be why one never ages there.

It’s all reminiscent of the clichéd experience of the long Italian meals and the Italian relationship with food.  Food is revered and indulged with gusto. It brings daily pleasure and daily excitement.  It is something that creates an occasion in and of itself, often playing out not as mundane “dinner,” but as a sort of theater, with the table as stage, the diners as cast, and multiple courses as acts and scenes.   What joy that food is something to be indulged in a few times a day, from the first espresso to the last drop of wine or crumb of biscotto.

Several years ago, I met our Italian cousins.  After introductions in the tiny village church where my grandparents were married, we took a driving tour of my grandmother’s hometown, eventually winding our way up a mountain for lunch.  We found ourselves in a homey and unassuming restaurant garden, under a long canopy, a huge table spread before us full of antipasti.  A heaping bowl of pasta, a side of beef, a green salad, a slice of cake and a few biscotti and glasses of wine later, I found myself bursting with love and connection.  Maybe the food had something to do with it, too.  It was delicious, but not the most memorable part (I still cannot remember the specifics of the multiple courses); it was about the people and the connection I made.  And the connection was enabled by the event occasioned by the meal.   Don’t get me wrong: a divine meal can take you to a higher level of existence, but to spend uninterrupted time together in a shared experience brought us closer.  Flavors, smells, textures, mingled with our conversation, equalling total connection.  It’s a moment of opening up your 6 senses — all five, plus your heart.

Much like meditating, the benefits of sitting down to enjoy a meal  — either simple or complex — with one another include being fully present in the moment, appreciating life for what it is right then.  It’s a time when all of our senses are fully stimulated and engaged, thanks to the food and company at the meal.  (Although even if you find yourself alone at the table, creating an experience through a deliberate meal helps connect you to the moment, grounding you.  Sometimes it can even be more peaceful…)

After a busy day in all corners of town, my family and I find each other at the table, the vertex where warmth, stability, and coziness await, where those people we love and who we know love us await (even if we walked in late to a meeting or got in trouble for spitting on the slide during recess). While we don’t linger over a 5-course meal for 4+ hours, my family and I are still able to squeeze in details of the day, talk about tomorrow,  enjoy (or not) what’s in front of us — to connect with each other and engage all of our senses. We enjoy the moment, and sometimes we even revel in it, as when my antsy  8-year old lingers at the table with his joke book, the 6-year-old waiting in anticipation for the next punchline, the 4-year old scanning faces to see when it’s time to laugh.

Lucky us, we need to eat each day, and how fortunate even a simple one-course meal can do the trick.  Enjoyable for the palate and the heart, a deliberate meal makes each day a special occasion — an opportunity to connect over a shared experience.

Che gioia!

Recipe for some daily moments of love and joy at the table:

• Food
• cloth napkins
• candle(s)
• your favorite plates
• flowers (optional)